Last week I quit smoking. In the grand scheme of things, this does not seem to be significant. Many people are quitting this habit almost every day. Myself, I have tried to quit a few times, and this year I made the decision that I wanted to get my health back. I went to the Dr. told her my woes and walked out with a prescription for Chantix. After I listened to seemly dire warnings that if I started to feel homicidal or suicidal to stop taking it and call the number they gave me. I asked, half-jokingly, how am I supposed to know if the homicidal feelings are from the pill or from not smoking? The pharmacist was not amused.
I followed directions and on the 8th day I forced myself to throw the rest of my cigarettes in the garbage chute so there was no way I would dig them out of my trash can when I got desperate. I am not going to lie, the first few days were rough. I got through them somehow and the cravings calmed down and I sat down to write.
And found I couldn’t.
I mean the words were in my head but it seemed that without me literally lighting a fire up my ass I couldn’t get the words to flow out onto my computer. I had read of other writers facing the same thing when they gave up alcohol or some other addiction. Something about using that substance to move past the fear that seems to plague every writer.
I found this to be true. I used cigarettes and food to stuff down my feelings. I spoke with other writer friends and they all told me that they have some unhealthy rituals to move past their fear of writing crap. A fear I understand all too well.
I am now looking for a way forward past this fear. I want ultimately to be a HEALTHY writer. Being able to take off for the tropics on moments notice to write in sunshine and endless margaritas. To do this, I need to replace all of my bad habits with healthy ones. I have a whole list that I am going to try. It includes but is not limited to, meditation, prayer, yoga, walking and other stuff as I think about and will add to the list.
I am also going to do the Artist Way. I have had the book forever but have yet to start it. I am going to start it today. The authour Julia Cameron says she started the Artist Way when she became sober. She had to find a way to write sober and she did. And I will. And so will you.
