Looking Forward to 2015

As I look back over the year 2014 there is only one thing I can say. Thank all the Gods it is over. It all started when my Shrink told me that there was this hot new pill for my bipolar. What followed was months of anxiety and depression as my Dr struggled to find the right dose. It was well into the summer before the Dr finally listened to me that this pill wasn’t going to work for me no matter how many milligrams I took. I spent the first half of the year curled up in the fetal postilion unable to do much of anything. I finally go the courage to demand that I be put back on my original meds and it was an uphill battle but I am finally almost back to where I was. It was also the year of anxiety and panic attacks but I am hoping those are under control now as well.

This no doubt affected my reading and writing. I had really big plans for both in Januray but sometimes life throws us curve balls and all we can do is hope that we come out on the other side mostly intact.

I read to keep my mind of things. Not being able to read was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. When I have an anxiety attack it feels as if a feeling of unreality comes over me. It is as if a scrim is between me and the world. I can’t focus my chest contracts and my heart starts racing and it feels as if I am going to burst out of my skin any moment. When this happens the best thing I know to do is down anything that will knock me unconscious for a few hours. At times all three.

I would attempt to read a book but the words would swim around in front of me and I could not retain anything that I read. This lead to feelings of an even deeper depression and so the cycle continued. Even after the anxiety attack had passed I would be too exhausted to do anything. So not a lot of reading and blogging happened.

Now that I am almost back at square one I have been doing a lot of thinking. I need to find a way to make my life as it is now more “happy” and not depend so much on the Dr to “fix” me.

I have read the Happiness Project and thought it was a neat idea but never tried to do one of my own. I think for 2015 I am gonna focus on Health. Mental, Physical and Spiritual. I am going to do my own version of a happiness project which I will talk about on the blog.

I am not exactly looking forward to the future yet to be honest but I know that is my depression and trepidation talking. I hope that by taking action that I can increase my feelings of happiness and contentment. Here is to 2015 and may it be a great year!