My goal was to follow flylady and I did better with that than I have ever done. Something weighing on my mind that makes me want to crawl under the covers and read and never deal with humanity again. In the past few weeks I have learned that people who I thought were my friends really were not. I was trying to be friends with my ex who puts me down, belittles me among other things. It all exploded last week and I just felt it was too much to handle. So I stayed in the bed all day yesterday and hoped that a day off from reality would make me feel better.
The problem is that I don’t feel as if I have any in real life friends that I can go to and unload with all of this. I have started believing in my ex words that “nobody wants to be friends with me” and that made me more depressed. I have started to withdraw from all of the friends that I still do have. I am not sure how to fix this. They say that your happiness can be boosted by family and friends but while I have family I feel as if I am missing out of the friend equation. And how does an introverted nerd make friends anyway? I can while away the hours playing World of Warcraft or reading or some other nerdish activity that tends to isolate people in dark cave like rooms. Seriously I have went outside at times and been nearly blinded by the sun. I keep thinking if only my town had a LAN party or something of that sort then maybe I could make friends.
People tell me to get out of my apt but to go WHERE?? is the question. I feel as I have nothing in common with the majority of people. I mean if I asked a majority of people “have you read Anis Nin”? Or what do you think of the ethics in the Gor novels as compared to what we have here on earth? I would get blank stares. So I keep quite.
So what do I do? Do I get to be my own best friend or continue to reach out and hope that somebody out there has at least one of the interest that I do.