I remember a time not that long ago, but it seems like another lifetime when I could do all the things.
I did not crave alone time back then as I do now. Before spoonie time, I was ALWAYS out. Home was a place to sleep, and that was it. I felt so ALIVE, and I was BURNING to live life to the fullest. I had no chronic pain. I did not need to worry about my mental health or worse ( for me at least) the physical pain of psoriatic arthritis. After I was correctly diagnosed, I often wondered if that day would anything cause my arthritis flare up on the day I told my college sorority sister that I would meet them to catch up? There used to be a time where it felt as if I had unlimited spoons and damn it I was going to burn rubber on my way to the grave.
I can remember that day almost three years ago, the feeling of accomplishment of running a mile on the treadmill. It was a slow mile but a mile. I felt as if I could move mountains and defeat Goliath with a stare. I finally have my shit together was the only thought going through my head.
Then pain came
At that time, I followed the BBG program ( yes, it is hard as fuck, but it is the only program that gave me serious results.) It was Leg day, and I was trying to ignore the sharp pain in both of my knees. Knees, but finally, I admitted defeat and had to stop my workout. The people at the gym thought that maybe I was OVER training, and I and my knees needed rest. I went home, took some Aleve, and rested. After a week, my knees hurt WORSE. I went to the minute clinic at the local CVS and that in hind site was a grave mistake. They saw a rash that was forming on my face and declared it was impetigo gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. And when I mentioned my knees, they told me once I lost weight, my knees would get better. This upset me cause my knees were fine when I hit my all-time personal high of 320 pounds, and at that point in time I had lost 85 pounds but the Minute Clinic STILL insisted my knees were in bad shape because of my weight.
After two years and four rounds of antibiotics later, my knees STILL hurt and by this point, it was starting to get where I would plan my whole day so that I wouldn’t get “stuck” outside my apartment unable to walk. I knew it was time to get more help. I went to a DR in a traditional clinic,( actually it was for low-income people, and in my defense I was born and raised in Central Appalachia, and the government clinic here in da hills were actually the best DRs around I had wrongly assumed that ALL government clinics were like that) and they took one look declared I had arthritis due to my being overweight ( i wanted to tell bitch I JUST lost 83 pounds) Gave me some Napraxon and yes antibiotics and sent me on my way.
It seemed that the pain got worse and worse. I honestly thought that I was done for I had my parents come and move me to their house. Mom took me to her DR, and after some blood tests ( i am serious they took at LEAST 10 tubes of blood) It turned out that I was a very sick person.
There was a whole list of things like my thyroid was not working, and I had to chug coffee like it was my only job to do stuff…I was even half bald…..the shocker I did NOT have impetigo, but rather a psoriasis and the pain in my knees was dreaded arthritis that comes with it. I admitted that the Naproxen did not do shit aside from making me puke and the Dr gave me another pill that thankfully works so today I am 98 percent pain-free!
I had mistakenly thought if the PAIN was gone, then I could resume my previous life as usual, but NOPE I learned fast how bad a flare-up could be. What I failed to understand was that once you have an autoimmune disorder thingie, you will ALWAYS be in pain or paranoid that pain will come back and this time you will be forced to get a motor chair (i have nothing against motor chairs…for OTHER people.) That chronic pain is chronic, and it will attack you out of the blue.
I have had a couple of mild flare ups but nothing too bad. I have made a million lifestyle changes, and I feel that it is helping a lot!
